When I heard about Coutts & Co. I wanted to be their customer.
But what was the point in having an account in Sterling in London when you live in Hawaii? So my desire to have white cheques imprinted with my name (not simply “Craig W. Walsh,” but “Craig W. Walsh, Esq.”) would need to wait.
It was my good fortune in April 1986 to marry Marjorie. Beautiful, charming, English, and a Lloyds Bank customer. My chance had come to correspond with the gentlemen at Coutts in London. I wrote to Coutts from our home on Maui, and they responded promptly with all the necessary paperwork. Marjorie and I filled the forms out, signed and returned them, and suddenly we were customers of the Queen’s own bank.
Sheet 1 of our Coutts bank statements reflects that our account was opened on May 21, 1986, less than a month after we were married.
We moved to England in June of that year, and started a financial services business (with money borrowed from a high-interest finance company, but that’s another story) in October. By 1992 we’d sold a minority interest in our company to a NYSE-listed corporation, and in 1996 we sold the rest. At that time, our company employed 515 people in five countries. The wire transfers from the purchaser — millions of pounds —went to our friends at Coutts.
Over the years, we deposited many millions with Coutts. And, at other times, they lent us substantial sums. They invested our company’s pension fund. They invested our own funds. We used their credit cards. Our farm banked with them. We’d even flown our account manager to Hawaii to see our business there.
On April 2 2004, we sold a residential property, and the funds were (of course) sent to Coutts. This paid off all of our debt to the Bank, and left our own house and 57 acres of farm free of encumbrances. We’d never missed a payment to Coutts, and dealt with our account manager and his colleagues regularly, usually by e-mail.
Our account manager, Stephen Cannons, telephoned me on April 28 to say that the Bank wanted to close all of our accounts. Stephen explained that we were entitled to 30 days’ notice, but the bank would give us until June 1 to move our personal and business banking relationships elsewhere. An overall relationship of almost 18 years.
As I set about making contact with other banks and filling out their forms, I kept thinking about how unfair this was. And I started to recall the story of Bally Sucks.
Andrew Faber signed up for a health club membership at Bally Total Fitness some years ago, and things went wrong. Andrew explains, “In October of 2001 I got a call from some Collection Agency representative who was so rude that I cannot even describe it. He screamed at me and kept insulting me. He said that I should get of my lazy ass and pay them money I owe to Bally Total Fitness.” Andrew was sure that a call or two to Bally would resolve everything, but it didn’t. In the end he even paid them money he didn’t owe, and still they made a derogatory report to the credit reporting agency.
Andrew said, “I felt beaten. [ … ] I did everything they asked me to do and I still got screwed. Finally it came to me. I will cost this company thousands of times more money than I paid to collection agency. I will let the world know about their business practices. Hence my friends, you are looking at this site.”
Bally sued. The Courts said that Andrew’s site was “consumer commentary,” and dismissed Bally’s claims. In their judgment, the Court quoted Justice Brandeis: “If there be time to expose through discussion the falsehood and fallacies, to avert the evil by the process of education, the remedy to be applied is more speech, not the enforcement of silence.”
So, in the tradition of
- www.ballysucks.net and
- www.paypalsucks.com and
- www.milksucks.com and
- www.fencingsucks.com and
- www.metricsucks.com and
- www.smokingsucks.com and
- www.mitsubishisucks.com and
- www.allstateinsurancesucks.com and
- Microsoft sucks and
- Lord of the Rings sucks and
- www.chasebanksucks.com
(Although I like the Chase Bank: my daughter is actually named after it. Honest.) I decided to create a “consumer commentary” site of my own.
I don’t think Coutts is evil, but I think they acted unfairly towards us. They have, along the way, made large mistakes in calculating interest owed by us to them, resulting in a substantial refund. And they’ve made many other mistakes, including a dozen with the simple closure of our account. Articles about these difficulties are elsewhere on this website.
I welcome comments, suggestions, or shared experiences. To e-mail me, please click here. If you like, I’d be glad to add similar stores to this website. In the interest of “more speech, not enforced silence.”
Update – March 26, 2026 — I created this website in the summer of 2004. Coutts became aware of the site after an article about it appeared in a major Sunday newspaper in the UK. The bank had a prominent law firm write to my hosting company in the States demanding the site be taken down immediately. To their discredit, my hosting company complied — without giving me a chance to download the files. To his credit, the young man (in Hong Kong) who helped me create the website kept a complete copy. I was able to find another hosting company — one with more guts — and we had the site back up and running in about 12 hours. Coutts and its solicitors didn’t try to silence me again.
The list (above) of other “sucks” websites shows that these sites tend to be ephemeral. It’s a cathartic experience to create one, but then there’s no real benefit to maintaining it. But I felt we were treated poorly by Coutts, so I resolved to keep the website up and running — and here it is, 22 years later, still online. It previously ran on Article Manager CMS software — which hasn’t been supported in years. We have now migrated the site to a minty fresh WordPress site, hopefully giving it another 22 years of renewed life — if not longer.
I have carefully avoided using the Coutts logo anywhere on this site, and (for the avoidance of doubt) wish to make it clear that this site is not owned by, nor endorsed by, Coutts & Co. If you’re looking for their website, please click here.
Before you go to their site, you may wish to read some of the articles here. And see why I personally feel that CouttsSucks.
In the mid-60s Coutts & Co. were so desparate for customers that they placed advertisements. The attraction was the detailed statements. On returning to the UK from Africa, I opened an account with them, and over the next couple of years I introduced two of my colleagues to the bank. In 1980 one telephoned me to say he’d been asked to take his account elsewhere. This was followed by the other colleague a few months later. Neither had breached the banking regulations and both had substantial balances in their current accounts.
After 16 years with the bank, I received the same treatment, from my branch (Old Park Lane).
In hindsight, it would appear that a bank that hired Nick Leeson (the man who brought down Barings), would treat people, who any other bank as valued customers, with such disdain and lack of appreciation.
I worked for Coutts for over 17 years and then redunacies loomed. “I’ll be ok” I thought, having been a loyal employee for that length of time, honest and trustworthy.
Was I heck! The B******d took me into a room, told me I was redundant and Ask me to leave the building straight away. Then they employed temps to cover the positions.
Still haven’t got over the treatment I received in 1996 to this day.
Hi there,
Have been brought out on a product I own because I dont have a credit rating Coutts wont send me a dummy pack of info. Does anyone knwo what they are like in producing bank statements, contact info etc.
Do they type them as everyone suggest still, are they giving that royal approval.
Any info, samples would help me grately
Nelly
I know how you feel Jill. I got the same treatment after 29 years service (I’m gutted). Although slightly different from you I had to work notice and was asked to show someone else what I did before my last day (and before you ask no I did not)
I’m always interested in stories about how Coutts treats other customers and employees.
As long as the stories don’t violate bank confidentiality, I am glad to publish them here — anonymously (of course). Please get in touch with me at craig@couttssucks.com if you’re interested.
It gives me a smile to think that this website is still online, and still getting visitors each day. I like telling the world that I think Coutts Sucks.
I am sorry (but certainly not surprised) to read that Coutts treats its employees with the same contempt it showed to my wife and to me.
Craig,
You becoming a little softer in your older age
‘If you would like to share your experiences with Coutts, good and bad’
I wish I could be a client, however Lloyds will be my bank bashing brand……
RJ
Happy for you to contact me
Craig – read your site with interest as an ex coutts banker but wondered what was the reason for them closing your accounts. I left of my own free will but do agree with your coutts sucks strapline – from a client and employee perspective
I was interviewed in 1988 and told I had to wear white collar, morning coat and no facial hair – does that include eye-brows I innocently asked…. I was told to then leave.
So basically Craig, they closed your account and are a bit rubbish. Is that it? The saddest part is your obsession with having a ‘status’ bank account.
I didn’t really care about “status.” I wanted a bank account where we got responsive customer service, a personal banker, etc. And I was willing to pay for the service. Coutts kept their part of the deal until after their acquisition by RBS. I thought they felt they could provide Coutts-level service on-the-cheap. From reading the comments on this site, and the various e-mail messages I receive, I was not alone in my disappointment with the “new,” post-RBS acquisition Coutts.
I did “GetOverIt.” This website was created in 2004. Having spent the time putting it together — and keeping it up and running when the Coutts solicitors tried to get it removed — I see little point in now taking it down. We pay a fixed price for a web server, so continued hosting costs zero. And I make a small amount of money from the Google Ads on the site: enough to pay the annual domain registration fee.
Good info, was thinking of opening an account with them! Think I’ll go to Barclays insted.
Hi,
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regards,
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I used to work there for about a year, in the head office at the Strand. I recall pretty much everyone taking the Coutts reputation very seriously. But it was an overall ghastly environment to work in, full of staff who themselves would never qualify to become actual clients of the bank they worshipped so much. And yet you actually had to pretend you were somehow incredibly rich yourself, with a deep understanding of the dramas facing our clients, such as the unbearable chore that is diamond sourcing, finding a private jet with mahogany finishings and NOT cherry, etc. Saddest place on Earth.